Before I was afflicted I went astray,
but now I obey your word. [Psalm 119:67]
It’s safe to say that what I’m doing in my life right now is nearly nothing like what I expected. I’m convinced that there is nothing more central to Christian living than listening to God. I’m not going to spend my time here detailing what I mean by that, only state that this is what I try to do and what I’ve staked my life on. In light of that, and in light of one of my reasons for blogging being to keep my friends up to date on what is happening in my life, I’ve decided to do a short series of blogs roughly covering my recent activities and the lessens I’m learning in the process. I’m going to go about it using a method I’ve heard referred to as the helicopter approach. I’ll first cover all the ground quickly, then come back and swoop down to hone in on key things along the way.
Briefly I would like to share, for the sake of God’s glory, what the past year has been for me.
I graduated May of 2007 from Kentucky Christian University with plans to work a decent paying job that Summer and attend Gordon-Conwell Theological Seminary that Fall. I was accepted and had a plan for paying the over $30,000 a year in tuition and fees for two years to get an M.A. in Biblical Languages. This goal stemmed from the fact that I feel called to eventually plant and teach at a Bible College/Seminary in Hyderabad, India with several of my close friends, one who is from Hyderabad and who’s family plants churches there. Without going in to too much detail, I reached a point in College where it was clear to me I was supposed to do this College plant deal, and in the meantime earn the appropriate degrees in order to be officially recognized as capable of doing so. Getting back to the story, I soon discovered that there was a massive problem, that being the job I was supposed to get didn’t work out. I soon found myself working much harder than I imagined as a hard-wood floor installer and making much less than enough for school the coming Fall. At the same time, Jeff, my Indian friend from Hyderabad, was having trouble getting prepared to pay for school as well. He had the added pressure of needing to officially be a student in order to extend his visa. A week before he was about to be shipped out, we both realized we were screwed. I was house-sitting for for some friends at this time, sitting in my underwear feeling really depressed, when I get a call from a family that supports Jeff’s family’s ministry. I had met them at our graduation.
Dr. Staats was on the line, and he began spelling out the option of us switching our plans from GCTS in Boston, MA to Winebrenner Theological Seminary in Findlay, OH at a third of the cost. Despite the obvious switch in the “cool” factor of our destination, we felt like a rope had been thrown to us right before we sunk. Within 48 hours, we were in. A week later my close friend Adam had made the switch as well. Shortly after this, I was able to help my home church by filling an interim role as Youth Minister. Home in Versailles, KY was four hours away from Findlay, and that was the commute I made once a week to attend classes on Tuesday. Dr. Staats and his wife were kind enough to let us stay Monday through Wednesday morning, and I was able to drive back to church just in time for Wednesday night youth meetings. The drive was sometimes unbearable, except when driving past Touchdown Jesus just North of Cincinnati, when I would bust into laughter even though I had past it numerous times. The $250,000 the Solid Rock Church paid to build that thing is almost worth it for the consistent laughter it brought to my life, but not quite. Despite the drive, I was having a great experience with the school, and I was spending less money than if I had attended Asbury Seminary which is about half an hour away from Versailles. I was able to pay for my first two semesters without taking out any loans, a commitment I made after getting into ridiculous debt at Bible College. I was also able to go to India and Bangladesh in December, and had the privilege of visiting a Bible College and Seminary that proved to be immensely insightful considering what I feel called to do with my life.
Preaching in Kolkata, India
Come May of this year, it was clear that a move to Findlay was needed. The role I was filling in for at my home church was no longer empty, so I left and moved to Adam’s in Indianapolis to consolidate our efforts in looking for a house, a job and a time to move to Findlay. I was still paying on my Spring semester, and the prospects of paying that off while finding a place to rent and a job were not looking good. During the month and a half at Adam’s, I managed to worry like crazy, pray a little crazier, watch all four seasons of Lost, watch both seasons of Extras, read at least ten books, do three phone interviews, fill out thirteen applications online, and get absolutely no closer to getting to Findlay at all. While this was going on, our friend Keith was also planning to come live with us and was back at his home in Akron, OH. He too was having no success getting anything to go his way in regards to Findlay. There are many reasons why we were certain this move was what we were supposed to do. Aside form the obvious benefit of being close to school as opposed to 250 miles away, we also knew that we were supposed to be together. And I don’t mean this as any kind of “Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants.” We felt called to go together as missionaries to pray for people, cast demons out of their lives, put the Gospel in the ears and watch Christ pursue their heart wherever we were. We have learned very valuable lessons about this at College. We also had begun to meet several Indian students from the University of Findlay. A couple of them had converted to Christianity while here and were shunned by their families back home, who then withdrew their support and left them completely hanging. There are around 1,000 international students at U of F, 400 of which are Indian. I was shocked when I first came to Findlay to see so many Indians in Northwest Ohio, but I guess they are everywhere. We could see the need and potential for a more consolidated ministry to these students, and felt that God was essentially calling us as missionaries to Findlay. That being said, the fact that all our efforts to make the move happen were failing terribly became a great source of stress.
Late June Jeff’s family was in Findlay at the Staats’ place, and I was responsible for taking them to several churches down in my neck of the woods. So I packed my basket of clothes, which I’m still living out of, and took them on the Kentucky part of their fund-raising tour. I loved it, but my depleting funds, current debt to school, and lack of housing and income stayed in the forefront of my mind. I found solace in a combination of stress filled prayer and eating copious amounts of curry that Jeff’s mom Esther would make, the going rate for a tour of Kentucky if you need my help. Upon returning to Findlay and taking the Gujjarlamudi’s to the Columbus airport, Jeff and I once again found ourselves in a desperate spot. With the pressure mounting I began to interview for a job at the local City Mission, and frantically looking for a house to rent. By God’s grace and complete providence, I got a job at the Mission, but was still in debt and homeless myself. I thought I was going to have to join the residents at my new place of work. Slowly God opened things up. We found a house about four or so blocks from the Seminary on Main Street and were allowed to move in without signing or paying anything up front. Then, as I began to realize that my income at the Mission was not only insufficient for paying school as I go but also wasn’t anywhere near what I needed to pay off my debt, I was able to secure a second job at a local coffee shop and have my wonderful family help me with the debt.
I’m currently writing this sitting in that very house on Main Street, with sore legs from walking to the Mission everyday thirty minutes both ways to save money, with concern that I can’t remember half of my intense training at the coffee shop and just know I’ll be the cause of losing some customers when I screw up their drinks, with some anxiety at the prospect of throwing two Seminary classes on top of my new and very busy schedule, and feeling so incredibly amazed that any of this has actually happened. I’m still waking up after a month of living here saying, “What the heck am I doing in Findlay?” Sometimes I find other words to express myself. A lot of my amazement just comes from the fact that this is kind of a strange place. For example, until I moved here, I didn’t know that anyone every smoked and rode their bicycle at the same time. Here, every other person does, and I find it shocking and very funny every time. Maybe I’m the odd one, but in any case it is strange to me. Another example is the choice of names for tobacco stores. I nearly live just across from “Butts-N-Nuts“. On the East end of town you can find the “Butt Hut” for your nicotine needs. Again, maybe there are a lot of “Butts and Nuts” and “Butt Huts” out there, I’ve just never been aware of them. Those are a few of the less serious examples of why I’m amazed that I live here. The more serious ones include that if it wasn’t for God making it clear that this is what I need to do, not only would I never have come here, it just would not have been possible. From the start of my experience with Findlay to where I am now, I can interpret it in no other way but God wanted it to be so.
That previous sentence leads me to the conclusion of my introduction. I was so confused and frustrated at my seemingly God given plans becoming so hard to follow through with. I slowly have been able to accept the fact that there was one major reason why I needed to struggle the way I did to be where I am now. I remember sitting in my dorm room at College an endless number of times, feeling so worthless inside the bubble of Christian Education, so fed up with stupid and mindless crap that was always going on, so upset that I couldn’t seem to pull myself together the way I knew I should be doing and praying that God would teach me exactly what it means to follow Him. I know that I would have done fine going to other Seminaries and being in other places, but knowing that God has intentionally placed you somewhere for specific and general purposes changes everything. The variable difference in the quality of each Christian is how much they really listen to God. That’s why some Christians are absolutely worthless though they may pass through the fire of death, and others move mountains though they live in the fires of life. Without all the back and forth, the inconsistent timing, the laborious drives and the failing jobs I would have ignored a lot of what God was doing for and saying to me. I have not found it easy, at this stage in my life, with so much of what I’m doing on the line, to accept that any struggle God providentially puts me through is worth it simply because it may mean that on the other side I know a little more what it is to follow Him. I haven’t even dealt with the real difficulties like Job, or like many persecuted Christians through history who, though they were and are being slaughtered, cry out to God equally with supplication and praise. It is so important to destroy all things that come between following God and following self. Many Christians straddle the line and live in abject mediocrity all their lives. Knowing that God has placed me here is more valuable to me than anything save Christ Himself.
I’ve only scratched the surface here, and have purposefully not tried to be extensive or define and defend my statements. I would just like to end by saying I’m far from perfect, and my life here is not paradise. I’m not always happy. I’m still quite confused about a lot of things. But I’ve got no problem stating with confidence that God brought me here, and that listening to Him is possible and the only thing that matters for anyone. I hope to spell out more of what I mean in the coming posts.
What a Friend we have in Jesus, all our sins and griefs to bear!
What a privilege to carry everything to God in prayer!
O what peace we often forfeit, O what needless pain we bear,
All because we do not carry everything to God in prayer.
Have we trials and temptations? Is there trouble anywhere?
We should never be discouraged; take it to the Lord in prayer.
Can we find a friend so faithful who will all our sorrows share?
Jesus knows our every weakness; take it to the Lord in prayer.
Are we weak and heavy laden, cumbered with a load of care?
Precious Savior, still our refuge, take it to the Lord in prayer.
Do your friends despise, forsake you? Take it to the Lord in prayer!
In His arms He’ll take and shield you; you will find a solace there.
Blessed Savior, Thou hast promised Thou wilt all our burdens bear
May we ever, Lord, be bringing all to Thee in earnest prayer.
Soon in glory bright unclouded there will be no need for prayer
Rapture, praise and endless worship will be our sweet portion there.
["What a Friend We Have in Jesus" by Joseph Scriven and Charles Converse]
The Curry House Posse
